Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize