You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
