we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
