Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
