Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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