I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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