I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
