Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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