I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
