I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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