3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
