I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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