You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
