he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
