listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize