I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
