so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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