Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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