Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
