Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
