What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
