holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
