sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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