Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
