what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
