Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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