I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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