So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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