Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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