Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I could fuck to npr.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
