I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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