I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
