so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
