And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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