so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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