you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
