I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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