Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
