I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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