I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
