Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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