Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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