My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
