i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
