I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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