There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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