I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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