I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
