the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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