when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
