What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
