True but thats because hes a fetus.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize