I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
