I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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