RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
