Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
