Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
