I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
