God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
