I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
