my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
