i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
