toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
NoShamevember. You game?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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