no, he came in my armpit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
