Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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