thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
