he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
