I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
