I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I stole a fireplace last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
