I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
