fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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