i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
