i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Semen is not good for contacts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
