What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
where are my eyebrows?
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