He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
