I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize