Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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