Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
