i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
