I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm passing your future prison.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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