You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
