I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize