I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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