You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
