Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
