I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
