mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize