If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
