the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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