just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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