My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
