They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
