true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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