I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
nutella sex= disaster
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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