Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
