i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
