i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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