Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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