just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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