i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
