omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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