Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
