Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
