if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize