marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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